Bald Bullies Are The Worst

Donald Trump is such a damn bully. Yet again, he was in the papers making a comment about Rosie O'Donnell's looks.

O'Donnell did a show on The View last week where she talked about depression and, in part, her battle with it. Donald's comment - "she’s depressed from looking in the mirror”.

This coming from a man with the world's longest and ugliest comb-over. You know he is completely bald under that shit. Doesn't Donald 'Dump' have any mirrors in his house. Obviously not.

A Plea To Angelina

Maddox is such a dude! Angelina picked the best banana in the bunch when she adopted this kid.

Angelina and Maddox are in Vietnam right now picking up Maddox's new little brother, who is to be named Pax Thien Jolie.

Angelina! This is a cry to you! Don't adopt that baby! Please! I have a better idea. Adopt me! I'm needy. I come from a broken home with 4 brothers and 1 sister. What could be more third-world than me?

I'd be a perfect big brother for Maddox. I'd rub his feet, fetch his toys, wipe his chin, play his pet - he can even put a collar and leash on me and take me for walks around the neighborhood. I'd even crawl on all fours, well, except where there is gravel... that shit can really hurt the knees.... don't ask how I know this, it may impede our adoption process. Jonathan Jolie-Pitt. Nice ring.

Getting adopted by the Jolie-Pitt couple is like winning the freakin' lottery. Imagine. A lottery for babies. I've never won anything in my entire life. I want something free too! Damn it!

Baby Number 4 For Jolie and Pitt

According to Vietnam adoption officials, and as is widely reported, Angelina Jolie's adoption should be complete in a few weeks. A new little boy is to be added to the world's most beautiful family.

"We definitely want a very big family. It might seem crazy to build it so quickly. But if we're going to have 10 kids, we'd like to raise them while we're young," said Angelina to Elle Magazine.

I have a complete soft spot for this couple and their kids. Shit, the entire family is rockin' hot. Angelina, Brad, Maddox, Zahara, Shilou - the total hotness. I hope the new baby isn't fugly. It will ruin the whole thing.

Little Tugnut Is Born

Donkey Spelling and Dean McKermit welcomed their baby to this cruel world on Tuesday.

The little tugnut, named Liam Aaron McDermott, was born at the Los Angeles' Cedar Sinai Medical Center. Liam weighed six pounds, six ounces at birth, but probably lost the six ounces immediately from fright when he looked into Mommy's donkey-face.

I guess Donna Martin ain't a virgin no more.

Donkey-Face Foaling

Tori Spelling, or as I like to call her Donkey-Face which technically means Ass-Face, is in labour at this very moment. It's about time. I mean, hasn't this twit been pregnant for 16 or 17 months by now.

Donkey-Face is what I like to call a defiance of nature... meaning that regardless of all of Daddy's millions (before she was disinherited), all her plastic parts, her big fake boobies, bleach jobs, expensive creams, surgeries, stylists, designer clothes, spray-on-tans and make-up, she is still dog-fuggly. Ruff. Ruff.

Ha! Dean McDermott must have been so disappointed when Tori lost her chance at all those millions. He had a hot little wife in Canada and he left her for dog-poo but dog-poo that he thought was coming with a big pay off. Ha! Now he is just stuck with Tori and baby donkey.

I am such a mean shit.

Money Can't Buy Me Love

Reports have been varied on exactly how much money gold-digger Heather Mills will manage to pry out of Paul McCartney's half dead hands. The figure is perpetually changing but it is always astronomical. Millions! People!

The latest amount, said to be accepted by both sides, is $56 million. WTF!? To me that seems about $55,999,999.99 too much. This is completely insane! What is that? $40,000 per vomit-inducing romp?

OK. When McCartney made all these millions where was she? Yeah, I though so. She was nothing more than a dirty thought in her Daddy's mind. And speaking of Daddies... isn't McCartney old enough to be hers? EEEWWW!

So this evil bitch is now going to be on 'Dancing With the Stars'. I can't wait to see how this shit works. First of all, is she really a star? Nooooo. She's a star-fucker. She should be on 'Dancing with the Star-Fuckers'. Her partner could be fellow star-fucker James Burke.... yeah, I like it, the gold digger could be dug.

Anyway, would we know who Heather Mills was if Paul McCartney wasn't giving her the donkey-ride? I hear a resounding no.

But seriously folks, Mills is insulted at the idea that she might be in it for the gold. No wonder the McCartney kids didn't like the evil step-mother. You didn't need a crystal-ball to see this shit coming.

In a 2006 interview with 'Extra', Mills said "I fell in love for the right reason. I fell in love unconditionally. If I was a gold digger, I would have a lot of money in my bank account...I'd be worth millions and millions."

ummm.... er... so is that a confession? Honest to shit.

Pregnant By Sperm Made of Liquid Gold

Ah, the exotic allure of Selma Hayek and her girl-pal, Penelope Cruz, snuggled together for a photo... a double vision in a boy's wet dream. An ample abundance of creamy flesh spilling all over the place. No they weren't lesbians, but a boy can dream can't he? That image is destroyed now that Selma has got herself sperminated.

I find this so hard to believe. I didn't even realize that she had a boyfriend... apparently they have been quietly dating for years. Boyfriend fast tracked to fiancée, most likely because of this current news.

"Businessman Francois-Henri Pinault and his fiancée, Salma Hayek, are happy to announce they are expecting the arrival of their first child," Hayek's publicist said in a statement Friday.



Honestly, she looks like she would be a vixen in bed and he looks like he would cum in his pants every time Selma rubbed up against him.

I guess if you're going to get sperminated you might as well do it by someone sick-rich. Pinault is just that. Rich. Rich. Rich. But he is also old and ugly... why did you do it Selma?!

What will the baby look like?


Having said all that, I would let the hotness of Mr Pinault have his way with me anytime, anywhere, anyhow. Hummm. I wonder if they make diamond encrusted butt plugs?